AS FATE WOULD HAVE IT

Along

the trip southward the train stopped for a conductor break and Cherry decided to get off and stretch her pretty long legs. So, the train kicks into gear and Cherry is nowhere in sight. Once it became apparent she wouldn't catch the train, we all threw our gear off and jumped while it was still moving slow enough for a safe landing. Bozz is my road dog, so I kind of followed his lead on this one. Personally, I wouldn't ever let a woman dictate my direction in life.

So, there we were in the middle of the damn desert with these dizzy broads. Although we were nice enough not to leave her to die in the desert, we did not spare her our opinion that she was one come-drunk, dumb-ass dizzy bitch for putting us all in this predicament. Let me paint you a picture here. Predominant yellows & browns with a splash of red and spiny green here and there. Desert. No power lines, no road, no rivers, no nothing but complete desolation. One set of railroad tracks heading off into the distance as far as the eye could see. Oh, did I mention sand? Heat? Scorpions?

We immediately took inventory of our food and "meds". Three cans of potted meat, eleven cans of beef stew, ten bags of Ramen noodles, two gallons of water, a gallon of whiskey, half a pouch of tobacco, five "E" pills and an eighth of an ounce of some killer green. We cut both the girls off the whiskey and tobacco until they cried. Crying seemed to be our weak spot, but we still refused to give them any whiskey.

Bozz and I knew it was gonna get cold. Such is the way of the desert, melt during the day, and freeze at night. We built a fire and set up camp a reasonable distance away from it, there's no worse way to wake up than with a rattler climbin' into your sleeping bag. We went to sleep half expectin’ to never wake up. When I did wake up, I half wished I hadn't. There was a snarlin' droolin' coyote starin' me down and I heard Cherry say "I put out some food for the critters, isn't he cute? I think he likes you!" I swear to you, big chested blondes are great to look at, but take one into the wild with you and you might as well kiss your ass goodbye, dizzy, dizzy, dizzy…

In most situations I don't talk to God, but in extreme cases such as this, I don't mind sayin' a thing or two to Our Almighty Savior. I was cutting deals like a public defender in front a drunken judge. After lying still and completely silent for what seemed like an eternity, those dang devil dogs loped off into the desert night. I swear their yippin and yappin sounded a lot like laughter… I got up, rolled a smoke, stirred up the fire and took off my recently pissed in jeans. I hung them by the fire to dry while we all waited for dawn. The life of a vagabond is sometimes like a Chinese dinner, sweet & sour.

That morning we heard the most beautiful sound in the world, a lonesome trains whistle. The ground began to shake and we saw our salvation coming down the tracks. Then we heard the tell-tale scream of a brake being applied, the train was slowin’ down. Once the train stopped, the conductor jumped out and walked over to our camp, curious as to what dumb ass would be out here in the middle of “Nowheresville”. He told us he was headed to Phoenix, which was about a 10 hour ride. There were three units and he told us to hop in the very back one and stay low til we arrived.

Once in Phoenix, Bozz and his ex, gave Cherry her turn in front of the camera while I took Pig Pen to the bus station to send her home. She gave me a long wet kiss and told me she would never forget this adventure. I told her I would never forget her either. I simply didn't have the heart to tell her exactly why I wouldn't forget… I had a great keepsake, namely a high quality DVD of a high class girl doing some pretty low class things. I figured on burning a few copies to put on the market... I told her I wasn't one of the good guys, she can't say she wasn't warned.

You may not like this story, you may not be the type to enjoy the videos we made. But Cherry and Pig-Pen were none the worse for wear and Cherry still kicks it with us to this day. We took our traveling porn show on the road to California. And California is a whole different, sordid tale all its own...